What’s your excuse?
How hard am I willing to work for it?
Is it fear of heights or fear of falling?
Neither, at least not in my experience from a recent week at camp. I had the opportunity to do a high ropes challenge course, ok, opportunity might be a stretch, my 12 and 10 year old wanted to do it and I had to show the way. I have a fear of heights that added to the fun. I strapped on the climbing gear and charged the tree. Up 40 or more feet I was not comfortable. As I traversed the first section of the course I was tense, the kind of tense where everything is one big knot. As I moved across, Mark yelled up, “is it worse than support raising?” The sick feeling in my stomach was very much the same as the one I get when I make call after call trying to get and appointment with someone to share our planting journey and ask them to support. In fact I think it was actually worse than support raising. I finally made it through the first section, I felt like I had run 5 miles, on my hands and feet. The next segment, was a suspended bridge and wasn’t so bad then onto the final rope and vine section. Below is my 12 yr. old son on the wire.
Now, as I began this section I was incredibly fatigued, I could barely close my hands and I had used all my arm strength up on the very first section. I started across and realized that there was no way I was going to be able to go all the way across, I had no energy left.
I immediately began to mentally process my options;
- Keep going, in which case I know eventually I will fall and most likely catch the wire in the backs of my legs, one of my arms or… gasp… straddle the wire and end up with a nasty groin shot.
- Stop now, control my exit from the wire and gently be lowered down by the belayer.
I had 4 days left at camp with my wife and 7 children and completing that stretch with some sort of injury didn’t seem very appealing. I was really ok with my decision, in spite of the fact that my 12 yr. old son easily traversed the entire course as did the others I was with.
Fast forward to last week… I was having the worst week of my 5 months of support raising, I had come to the realization that with one month left I may not make it to my initial support goal. If I don’t make it, I’m out of this program.
I immediately began to mentally process my options;
- I can keep going, push to make as many calls and appointments as possible; this option could put me over the top or still leave me short. If I am left short and I’m out of this program I might loose the supporters that have so graciously invested in our ministry to this point.
- I could stop contacting new supporters and possibly bring along any new supporters along as we continue in a different direction. I recognize that regardless of the program God has me on the path of planting a church and I will not rest until I have done so or He has definitively moved me in another direction.
And then it hit me…
I didn’t stop on the ropes because I of a fear of heights or a fear of falling, I rationalized my controlled decent as the most pain free way to the ground. I made my decision based upon the amount of pain I perceived I may encounter.
I was ashamed, I had nearly done the same thing with support raising. I was going to try to minimize my pain instead by attempting to salvage supporters etc. instead of pressing on to the very end and trusting God. I have been given an opportunity, I have been called, I am not in control of the outcomes, but I am in control of the effort, the faith and the trust that I choose to exercise. I can’t do this on my own, but if I set up in defensive mode instead of attack, I may never get to see what God was going to do.
I choose to keep going, to do my absolute best to the very end, all to the glory of God.
I am not promised a life free from pain, God’s purpose is not to shield us from all hurt. His purpose is to draw me (all of us) into eternal loving fellowship with him through Jesus Christ (Ephesians 1:4-5). My purpose is to do His will.
Support raising, does it really suck?
I haven’t posted in a few weeks for a number of reasons, but one of them is, how real can or should I be? I’m not sure what the right answer is. Maybe someone will come across this post and at least know that they aren’t alone in their struggles.
I have been support raising for five months as part of planting a new church. It has,at times, been the most frustrating, discouraging, disheartening, gut wrenching, humiliating thing I have ever done. It has also, at times, been the most rewarding, revealing, character building, trusting thing I have ever done. It has driven me to my knees in brokenness and in prayer. It has taught me how generous and kingdom focused some people are. I have laughed, I have cried, I have been gifted with some great new relationships and I look forward to many more. It has shown me how self centered I can be and it has reminded me time and again that “I” can’t do this on my own. I need the power of God and the people who hear his call and are obedient to support missions (church planting) with their prayers, their time, their gifting and their finances.
I’ve learned that, to the person who is receiving support each and every dollar is incredibly important as they are trusting God to provide through others. Amy and I supported a missionary for a season and I know there were couple times I didn’t send money because I had a personal need and I thought that they had others on a support team who were sending money so, I figured that they wouldn’t miss my contribution. I have a different perspective now 
I have a great amount of gratitude to the Lord and all who have made and continue to make personal sacrifices on our behalf in the name of reaching people for Christ.
I will no longer be plagued by the fear of failure because merely getting out of the boat in faith is a great success. I will stop questioning if “am I good enough” and “can I do this”, I will embrace the promises of God and with Him all things are possible. He is going to do a mighty work and I am humbled to be chosen as a tool for some of the job.
As the father of more than a few children I know that birth is a messy process and why do I expect this birth process to be any different?